Loss and the Holidays

Loss and the Holidays

It’s that time of the year again.  For many people around the world, the latter months of the year are filled with celebrations.  It’s the time of the year when many want to gather with their loved ones because each holiday has a special meaning to them.  There are traditions that really impact our emotions during this time.  Unfortunately, for many people this year loss will be another emotion to fill their minds and hearts. COVID may be a heavy influence on these emotions, however there are also other losses that exist outside of the pandemic. This is not an easy topic, but there are things that may influence healing and help people celebrate in a meaningful way still.

1. Celebrate!  Sometimes when feelings of sadness, anger, anxiousness come on, the immediate reaction might be to isolate or engage in behaviors that would later on make people feel even worse.  Cook that special meal, facetime with the ones that you would have gathered with, sing the special songs, decorate, etc.  They can still be meaningful and you keep a tradition alive for those that cannot be with you.  So keep the traditions that you want and decide which traditions you want to change.  Is there a new way to celebrate that is meaningful to you?  What new traditions do you want to make for your family that can be passed on from generation to generation?   Maybe you can light a candle in honor of that person, make a donation in their honor, or share something inspirational about the ones that cannot be there with you.

2. Explore gratitude.  I can’t say it enough…gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.  It has definitely been my go to this year.  Why gratitude?  It has the ability to get us out of thoughts that do not serve us well and tap into an understanding and thinking that can help us cope through the moment.  It helps us understand what is okay and well.  We need that, especially during this time of the year.  Gratitude can create new experiences for us and allow us to get creative with how we celebrate, giving us the strength and wisdom to make the healthier choice this year and still enjoying the holiday.

3. Being tender with ourselves and others this year.  It’s been a tough road.  Sadness, grief, and disappointment are all understandable, but it does not mean we have to spend most of our day in these emotions.  Words of encouragement and expressing kindness and compassion towards the self and others can be so valuable in anyone’s life right now. Especially with younger children whose brains are still developing, using compassion can contribute to how their brain establishes healthy connections.   Check in with yourself on a scale from 1-10, 10 feeling the best mood possible.  If you are on the lower end of the scale, this should signal that there is some self-care that might need to be practiced.  For those that are on the higher end of the scale and are able to, allow people to feel their sadness, validate it with loss, and offer that understanding and respect that is a part of compassion.  We all grieve differently.  

4. See a therapist if you need more support.  Sometimes there is a level of vulnerability that might feel more reachable and comfortable to express when with a therapist.  That is okay.  Therapy, in some cultures, may not be acceptable based upon stereotyping and judgement.  However, there are many benefits to it, such as providing an opportunity to engage in a level of understanding that a person may not get from their environment.  Through understanding we make better choices.  Taking that risk may be valuable to your well-being.

5. Mindfulness allows an individual to address their grief versus escaping from it.  If we find ways to escape, our minds and bodies to not get the opportunity to heal and address another loss that we might face in the future.  Mindfulness helps us tap into compassion towards the self, explore gratitude towards not only the ones that cannot be with us, but also offers an understanding of strength that we all have to heal and move through grief.  Mindfulness gets us to pay attention to the present moment.  When majority of our time is spent on sadness surrounding the past, worries about what will for the future, we miss out on the opportunity to make our present movement in life count.  Meditation/mindful movement practices offer a way for our minds to practice being still, focusing, and paying attention to what exists right now.

The holidays will be different, there is no doubt about that, but there is a way to move through it that will keep you on your valued direction in life for the days to come.

Kajal Patel, MSW, LCSW

Mental Health Therapist