Negative Thinking - Simply Thrive Therapeutic Assoicates

Negative Thinking

Ok – let’s be real for a second. We ALL struggle with negative thought patterns to some degree. It’s just part of being human. Sometimes, it seems like a negative thought flies into our minds out of nowhere, while other times, we might sit and let one negative thought spiral into another until we feel completely doomed. It’s not necessarily the negative thought itself that is the issue, but it’s what we do with it that makes all the difference. As you probably already know, negative thoughts carry the potential to wreak havoc in our lives if we let them. Though we might not possess the ability to control every thought that enters our mind, we can certainly work on changing our response to them.

The first step in changing how we respond to negative thinking is recognizing that we do in fact engage in negative thought patterns. Some of these thoughts become so normal to us that we may not even realize they exist. For instance, have you ever met someone for a business lunch for the first time, had a great conversation with them, and then got into your car only to realize a huge wedge of purple lettuce was wrapped around your front tooth? Do you simply think to yourself, “That’s funny,” laugh it off and then take the lettuce out of your mouth? Maybe. Or, do you say to yourself, “You have to be kidding me,” and suddenly think that you have ruined your networking chances forever with them because they probably thought you were a total goofball to speak to them for an hour with food in your teeth. You might think,”They were probably so distracted that they didn’t even hear what I was saying about my new business venture……Ughhh…..why does this always happen to me…..I can’t just have a normal lunch with someone like everyone else can.”

The scenario above might seem extreme to some. Honestly, I was trying to come up with a scenario that gets the point across, yet is relatable. I don’t know about you, but I’ve totally done something like this before. It might not have been a business lunch, but maybe it was that one time when I went to crack an egg on my countertop and the entire egg came running out all over the counter and then dripped onto my kitchen floor. Yes, that really happened. And, I really said, “Why can’t I ever cook anything!” Though I might make a mess while I cook, it certainly doesn’t mean that I can’t cook anything. Besides, right before I cracked the egg on the counter, I had just finished making rice to go along with the chili I was cooking in the crockpot.

Negative thought patterns are often referred to as cognitive distortions. In the eggxperience described above, I was doing a fancy thing called overgeneralization. This happens when we take one specific situation and apply it to all situations. Can you think of a time when you’ve done that? Oh, or how about this one: catastrophizing. Catastrophizing happens when we take one circumstance and run with it all the way until we’ve reached the worst possible outcome. Maybe you got a C for the first time in a class, and you think to yourself, “Since I got a C, my 4.0 GPA is ruined, and I’ll never get into the school I’ve dreamed of my entire life, which means I won’t be able to become a doctor.” Phew, I don’t know about you, but that thought process immediately makes me feel stressed.

I don’t want to bore you with all of this jargon, so I’ll just give you an example of one more common distortion. You have probably never thought of yourself as someone who likes to read minds, but actually one of the most common distortions is (drum roll please) mind reading or jumping to conclusions. Mind reading is when we just know what someone is thinking. Let’s circle back to that business lunch I was talking about earlier. The moment the lettuce in your mouth becomes apparent to you, you immediately come up with all the thoughts that the person you were eating lunch with was thinking about you. He was thinking, “This guy looks like Yzma with food in her teeth from The Emperor’s New Groove….Do I tell him he has lettuce in his teeth….Or, should I just pretend like everything is fine….” While we don’t know for sure that he wasn’t thinking these things, we also can’t guarantee that he was. For all we know, he may not even have seen the lettuce (or ever have seen The Emperor’s New Groove).

So, what do you do from here? Well, the first step is identifying your negative thoughts. I often encourage my clients to keep a journal or space in their phone notepad to jot down negative thoughts that come to mind. In doing so, you may be able to pinpoint some common themes in your thought processes. Then, you can see what category your thoughts tend to fall under. For a list of common distortions, click here.

The examples I have given can impact everyone and really hurt our self-esteem as well as how we feel about life in general. When we reframe those thoughts or look at situations in a more positive or helpful regard, our thought patterns and daily outlook begin to change. A therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) would be helpful in learning new ways to think.

It is important to note that sometimes those negative thoughts can get so bad that you may feel as if there is no hope. We suggest that you get immediate help. Please contact the suicide prevention line or go to your local emergency room.